Ain’t post-apocalyptic life just grand. Gambling away at New Vegas casinos, chugging irradiated beers, advocating for ghoul rights, scavenging for toasters… I’ve taken shady jobs, sure. Stole a thing or ten until I couldn’t fast travel. But baby, there’s no denying. I’ve crawled out to the fallout and rejoined society! So come down to my speakeasy and have a Dirty Wastelander. It’s on the house, if you let me rant for once…
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Nothing beats the thrill of the hunt. I’d tracked my prey for weeks, picking up on its earthly scent and losing it again in the valley of scattershot ideas. I’d kept chasing it as it grazed away my herb garden. Many dawns had passed. I’d paused. Nay, I let go completely. I held my breath to reflect on the vast landscape of the Sacred Lands. And there it was. My new cocktail recipe walking right into my trap… Gotcha.
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[INTERFACING] [Easy: Success]
A new blog post appears. You catch a whiff of beetroot.
Disco Elysium is one helluva game… it’s just disco, my absolute GOTY 2019. It’s a slow-cooker stew of hilarious writing, tabletop RPG mechanics, and political commentary. You play as Harry Du Bois, an addict detective trying to solve a murder he’s too hungover to recall. It’s a breath of fresh air for dialogue choices, characterization and even its depiction of alcohol. So today we’re brewing a tribute cocktail to a side quest called “the *special* borscht”.
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Focus, boy. These runic inscriptions guard a recipe desired by every soul from Midgard to Helheim, dead or alive. They speak of an unearthly beverage that ignites courage, charisma and an occasional dad joke. Many have fallen in pursuit of the Lemnos Sour, pecked to death by Odin’s ravens for seeking its taste after 8 p.m. But here, it’s a sanctuary. A safe place to learn how to mix my God of War tribute cocktail.
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The bobber twitched and her heart sunk. Duh, it’s a sea bass. It’s always just a sea bass. It was meant to be a spring of true escapism. An end to all her consumerist impulses and the rat race. But now they come knocking. Reminding her about the loan and so, so many errands. And just as politely, they manipulate her into replanting flowers… for five hours. For five stars. For the pursuit of every damn item in Animal Crossing: New Horizons. And just like that, she mixes a cocktail based on a conspiracy theory.
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I’ll say it. Quarantine. With so many of us hunkered down, relying on contactless deliveries, craving oxytocin and small talk… That one game kept cropping up in my head. DEATH STRANDING. Arguably the strangest and most beautiful gaming experience I’ve had in 2019. And now, inevitably, it has inspired me to mix a topical cocktail. Let me tell you how…
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Ah, the freedom of emergent cooking! Mixing toads, mushrooms, bokoblin horns, apples, and producing a foul mess. The brilliant Breath of the Wild features dozens of gastronomic and potion recipes to discover. But what about the booze? This week I’m paying tribute to a mysterious drink I’ve encountered in Hyrule. Psst…Just don’t tell Link about these delights. He should stick to milk bars for now.
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A tumbleweed rolls by a deserted saloon, its doors creaking slowly as if yearning for better days. Dust has long settled on the ornate glassware, covering the traces of many poker games lost and even more drunken shots fired. A rider appears at the prairie’s horizon. She’s determined. She has to keep at it. She’s got to START WRITING HER BLOG AGAIN. She pulls up a chair at the saloon and scans its shelves. You lucky devil. There’s just enough for a Saint Denis Sazerac. Wouldn’t you want to know how to mix one?
